i feel like my teenage years are an insanely boring story.
很無聊，無聊得讓人發瘋。
focus on studying boring and outdated stuff for 6+ years, 0 real life experiences, only stayed in a same place, doing the same routine, with the same social circle. thanks for my school and home, i got fucking headaches and depression for 1.5 years and fucked up the public exam 🙂 didn’t want to eat anything not because i was lazy. while I didn’t know I was in serious bad mental health. I received almost 0 help during this period, because it was like completely normal. and when you seek help in this lovely place, you get labeled and everyone is told “she is weird she is psychotic! ” well I still cannot understand why can’t we choose not to disclose our psychological needs before 18. why is it supposedly safe to tell our parents about this? Teachers: well cuz we just wanna protect the kids. unfortunately from my perspective you just wanna protect your job and stay away from responsibility. but that’s the ridiculous rule haha.
my brain filtered out some of the memories, it’s good for me to not to remember so much about it. when you get a holiday, it comes with numerous tutoring classes and homework. when you finally finished those things, the first thing you think about is study to prepare for the next exams, how ridiculous is that. there is no sunday or holiday for your life!! i remember how i calculated holidays in my teenage years, after 24 exams then i graduated from high school then i finally free!!! b4 that you need to keep working hard! sounds like a beautiful fairy tale, damn that was ridiculous asf. touch the real world plz!!
born in east asia is toxic, someone said “As long as you are raised by Asian parents, you will need to receive psychological treatment for the rest of your life.” i agree with that to some extent. it’s the environment shapes you, both social and economics, and it’s hard for you to gain a special insight into escaping the “reality”. even though it is bad, you have to stay here, that what “we” so called the “courage” and “resilience”.
then I felt completely lost after the public exam. I went traveling for 3 times, there are some good memories. That night, “You made my day” opened Canada and the world to me. I will write about the whole story soon. 2 years have an answer and an ending. I did what I wanted. anyway it’s good for me that I insisted on going to Canada and got some real life experiences that i never thought about before.
I am not good at English, but it’s the language that’s easier for me to express myself. Maybe cuz I cannot use the most precise and accurate language to talk about my things. I feel more distance, and sometimes I don’t wanna analyse and disclose myself completely. I feel pain and unsafe quite often.
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